The Difference
So, what has changed? What has made me decide that working now for future enjoyment is actually a good thing? Little, really. I’m in Singapore, which I also was when I last held the view that it was better to enjoy now and work later. I’m only one or two years less young. I haven’t had any deliberating illness, I haven’t lost an arm, leg, or even a part of my brain. I’m, in many respects, quite similar to how I was. Though I did lose some hair.
Discounting the ‘short term gain correlates to hair’ theory, I can think of only one thing that changed and, then again, didn’t. I went to Australia and hated it. I spent 10 months of my life working my ass off for little to no physical gain (We actually came back with less money than we left with).
I ran around Austria and came to understand exactly how /not/ to work. How to slave away for ten, to twelve hours for only enough money to piss away within an hour in a bar. I came to understand living from hand to mouth and I came to understand the people who are content living that way.
At the fear of sounding arrogant, I saw the blue-collar life, the life of the less ambitious, the life of those more comfortable with ‘the price is right’ than a controversial thought. I saw their life for ten months (I had, to tell the truth, never been in that situation before) and I hated it. What was more, and I think this made an even bigger impact on me, I saw that they weren’t all that content there, either.
Maybe ignorance is bliss, but these people were not ignorant of the fact that many people seemed to be having more fun than them. They just had were impotent to do anything about it. So what happened? Substance abuse happened. This person grabbed for the bottle, that person for the joint, a third person abused harder substances. These people, though they were good people all, grabbed onto drugs and substances for escapism, because that was all they really had.
I realised that that was not the life I wanted to live. I had seen the more ambitious (who I had always thought of as less happy) and realised that their drive actually gave them happiness. I came to understand the difference between one group’s desperation to get out and the other group’s easy to move on. I came to realise that I wanted to be more than I was and make more while I was doing it.
So I got busy and that’s where I am now. And yes, it is better. I am enjoying life more and enjoying the respect that comes with doing a good job at something that people actually care about. Being respected for doing something and not scoffed at and treated as something less than human.
I enjoy the white-collar world and yes, I even enjoy working a twelve-hour day on occasion, especially since it is what I want to work at, as well as at the salary level that I find fair for what I’m doing. I would be hard pressed to piss away twelve-hour’s work within a bar within an hour now!
(Interestingly enough, I also feel less inclined to try, though that might be just a phase.)
Deep thought
Ever since we finished writing out the concept for the library (lasts Thursday) I’ve been stuck in introvert slash thoughtful mode. There is a lot to think about. First off, I need to think about what I want to write on next. I think I’ve managed to whittle down the options to one choice, which is ‘the labyrinth’. (More about that later).
For the rest I’ve been thinking about what I’m trying to do. Truth be told, I’m not sure exactly what. Right now I’ve saving up for Sri Lanka (at the end of the year) and working my ass off to make certain that we can go and, what’s more, have a great deal of fun (the word ‘fun’ is unfortunately part of the word ‘funds’ and quite often you can’t have the first, without the second).
After that? I’m not certain. Ultimately I’m trying to win independence from any local economy. What do I mean with that? I mean that I want to be able to go anywhere in the world and continue working as I did in the place I was before. Our stint in Australia demonstrated to me that I was nowhere near to being emancipated enough to do that there.
So, I’ve been wondering how to achieve that. How do I make certain that I can still work for people in one country even as I’m moving around in the next? Reputation seems to be one key element. Not only will I need my reputation to proceed me into new countries, but also I need it to remain behind and leave a presence in the countries I have lived in before (Something that is easier than it following me into new countries).
It should all be a great deal easier with the Internet. I’m certain it is. It just isn’t working yet. I guess I will just simply have to work harder at meeting people and getting jobs. More importantly, I will need to create a superb quality of work. That, in the end, will be the only thing that will convince a person to hire me even while I’m not there. My work will need to speak for me.
So what does that mean? It means more hard work. It means more work, period (a distinction that only freelancers can really understand.) Work now to have a better time later. A view I had sworn never to embrace.
Comma
It sucks to also have to work Saturdays. It is inhuman, really. It wasn’t meant to be that way. People were supposed to have a two day weekend. Or maybe they weren’t, but still I was! I was supposed to be a slacker! Instead I’m working my pants off.
Something is wrong with this picture. Well, at least I got myself an ipod (no, I didn’t buy it. I haven’t actually gotten paid yet for all my hard work. It was a gift from my parents. They didn’t buy it either. They got it with their new cars (they got two and kept one)).
So now I’m letting one laptop rip music, even while I tell you all about it on the other laptop (no, the laptops are not both mine either. We have only one laptop and that only cost us 200 dollars, so even if it sounds like we’re well off, we’re not. Well, we are, but not really.)
So I can now listen to music while I work my pants off. Or I would be able to if Banana wasn’t dead set on running off with the ipod. So I’m probably, all things considered, ripping music so that Banana can listen to music while I work my pants off. I guess that’s how it’s meant to be.
No, you’re right, I don’t actually have anything interesting to say in this post.
Juggling
My last post seems to have had quite an impact. I guess I’m not the only person who feels this way. (That’s one of the greatest advantages of the Internet, really. It helps you find likeminded people.) So thank you all for your comments. It is good to know that I’m not the only one who is fed up with it. I would say that we all come together and find a way to do something about it, but I wouldn’t have any idea what to do, so I think I’ll let that idea slip by the wayside.
I’ve been hugely busy these last couple of days. I’ve been running around both teaching and working on concept design. Both jobs took about six hours a day, each. Add in travel, eating and sleeping and this is the first time that I have had the time to do anything outside of think of the next step at my next job. I know that for many people that sounds like a normal day, but I’m quite fond of my free time, so for me it was a lot of work.
Last night we finished the prelim work for the presentation that happens later today, though, so I’m back to one job for a few days. About time. (I’m not part of the presentation team, in case your wondering, so all I had to do with make sure the prelim work was in order and then go to sleep.)
After I’ve finished sleeping/ relaxing/ unwinding I’ll set my mind back to talking about some of the non-work-related ideas spinning through my head (which have been labeled by one passerby as ‘naïve’, which I really thought was very interesting.)
Oh yeah, and I got that hug and kiss,
uber mom. Thanks for that. It’s good to remind her sometimes.
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about” –Oscar Wilde
Oh Lord, save me from your followers.
It really pisses me off when religious people judge. They do it all the time and it is, as a matter of fact, probably one of the things that turns me off major faith the most. If you’re so sure that your faith is the right one, then why do you so desperately need to lash out at those that stray? You should trust that God knows what he/she/it is doing and let that person stray if they want to.
If your faith is the right one then eventually and inevitably everybody will convert, something as right as the right faith would have to have that effect. Even free will could not stop us from eventually seeing the light. So, in my eyes, if you need to harp on (or even worse, kill) people that stray then you’re just admitting your own uncertainties.
Stop projecting your own doubt outwards, I say, and instead reflect and consider what it is you truly believe in. A little bit of doubt has never hurt anybody. Heck, if you don’t doubt then you’re not human. The only creature that has no doubt is a perfect being. To say you have no doubt is to pretend your perfect. That’s just pure hubris.
Believe what ever you want to believe. Just stop pushing it into people’s face. An integral part of faith is humility in all of the books, so why do so many people so conveniently ignore it? Humility is not just limited to not boasting of your own abilities. It also includes not boasting about your religion and not boasting about what you believe in. It includes not boasting about God. I’m certain that God can do all the boasting he needs to do all by himself.
If people want to learn about what you believe, that’s a different matter. If people ask, then tell. Or better yet, ask back. Teach only what a person wants to learn. Give only what a person wants to receive. A gift that isn’t wanted is wasted and we’ve wasted more than enough. Just look at the world around us if you’re not convinced.
If so many people wouldn’t have pushed, I might have started pulling. Instead I’m disgusted. A religion is only ever as good as its followers, so if you’re so proud of what you believe in act like it and show some humility.
Omniscience - Free Will
Main Entry: om•ni•scient
Pronunciation: -sh&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: New Latin omniscient-, omnisciens, back-formation from Medieval Latin omniscientia
1 : having infinite awareness, understanding, and insight
2 : possessed of universal or complete knowledge
Main Entry: free will
Function: noun
1 : voluntary choice or decision [I do this of my own free will]
2 : freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention
(from the
webster.com)
I realise that this paradox has been around for a long time, but I feel that I have to express it. It occurred to me again today on the train. I want to discuss the omniscience - free will paradox.
If God is all knowing (the very definition of omniscient and something that the Bible, the Koran and the Torah all claim) then how can we have free will? Let me explain.
If something is all knowing then, by its definition, it knows the past, the present and the future. It knows, at the very moment it considers doing something, what the result of that action will be, to the smallest detail. If it moves a hand this way, it will know if that will start a storm in China and it will also know the ultimate repercussions throughout all time and for ever.
There is no uncertainty in omniscience. All knowing means all knowing, period. It does not mean ‘this action will probably have this effect’ it means ‘this action will have this affect and affect all of time in this way.’ Probability plays no role in omniscience.
God created humanity. We ‘know’ this because it says that in the scriptures. So, at the very time God created man it knew, by the definition of omniscience, what that meant. It knew exactly what putting every cell in this or that way meant and it knew exactly what two arms meant over three arms. In fact, when God created man he knew that that would ultimately lead to me writing this and you reading this. That is the nature of omniscience.
So where does free will fit in? Free will means that reality has some degree of freedom, at least for humanity. Free will, by its very nature, undermines omniscience. If you cannot know what we are going to do, well then you can’t be omniscient, can you?
Many would argue that we have free will, but God knows what we are going to use it for. God knows exactly what we are going to do, before we do it. That, I say, isn’t free will. That is the illusion of free will. I’m fine with that, but at least put that in your books, in that case. Omniscience undermines free will and free will undermines omniscience.
What does that mean? It means that at the creation of time God knew the doubters from the faithful, knew the believers from the atheists. He knew, as a matter of fact, who would go to heaven and who would burn in hell. He knew that if he would have moved this atom in that way then these people would have gone to heaven instead of hell. That isn’t all that forgiving, is it?
Games and ladies
Yesterday I played computer games. It has been a long time since I played computer games. Well, not really. I should really say that it has been a long time since I played PC strategy games. It was interesting, but not half as fun as I remembered it. Still, I played for quite a while just be certain that I really felt that way. I might have to try it again in a little while.
It’s a bit like picking up chocolate one day and then coming to the realisation that you don’t really like it anymore. It still tastes the same, feels the same and looks it again, but it just doesn’t taste that good. Realising this is probably a good development you still can’t quite believe it and, after a time of consideration, decide to go back and try it again, just to be sure, realising full well that you might come to enjoy it again and waste time and money consuming the sweet sweet chocolate.
I had a good lesson this morning. A young lady on vacation here from Europe came to our school to improve her English. She had learned it in school for five years, but had never really learned anything more than the grammar, so she had taken our (rather expensive lessons) in order to be able to socialise (she is even following the social track).
The problem, however, is that she finished her current track last week and she still has a week of lessons left. I walked in, stumped as to what I was to teach her, except that it said something about ‘magazines’ on her card. One word is not a great deal of information when you have to teach somebody for the next 2 and bit hours.
Anyway. The first fourty minutes we just talked, I asked her questions (tried to get her to ask me questions, but she told me - in no uncertain terms - that she didn’t have any) then I ran downstairs, picked up two papers, and we spent the next two fourty minute periods talking about different stories in the newspaper. It was, as you might imagine, both enjoyable and. Ultimately it would be nice to have lessons like that all the time. I’ll just have to figure out how to teach while I talk.
Random
I just finished my last class of the week. It was a class in Presentation and managing meetings. I have never done anything of the like and it was tough to teach something I had no idea about doing. A bit like the dumb leading the blind (or is that the blind leading the blind?) whatever.
Monday morning at 10 I have another class. It sucks to only have a one day weekend. Especially considering that people went a little bit crazy last night with drinks and fun and I couldn’t join in, as I had class this morning at 9.15.
The two bad things about my job are not knowing when I have to show up till six o’clock the evening before and having to work Saturdays. For the rest it’s a really cool job. It’s easy, pays well and is actually enjoyable most of the time (well, as enjoyable as paid work gets).
We’ll see how I go in a couple of weeks. For now I come back exhausted each evening. Understandable, as I’ve never really taught before. Let’s just hope it will become less exhausting and I can focus part of my attention on things outside of the class room.
That’s not exactly fair, I have had time these last few days to start scribbling about the library project (did I talk about that already?). It isn’t really up to scratch yet, but I’ll get there. I’ve started thinking about it and that is really all that matters.
Anyways, so things are going ahead and time is moving along. I also passed liana a book of 101 philosophical problems, just to mix her up a bit more. I’m certain that beautiful things will come forth from her confusion.
A piece of String
Urgh. Tired.
Another day of classes behind me. That makes three. I’ve come to realise that I’m actually enjoying myself teaching, but it is tiring. Or maybe that is just getting used to sleeping early and waking up on time. It could also be the fact that I had beers between classes today. It’s probably a combination of a whole host of factors. Except, of course, for the beer. It can’t be the fault of the beer.
I applied for three weeks of leave today. I imagine that it doesn’t leave them too happy when a person who’s only been with them for three days asks for three weeks of leave. I realised the danger in doing that, but I aim to prove myself by that time.
I’ll work real hard when I’m there, so that it will not be a problem when I’m away. Or at least, they won’t mind when I’m away. Or maybe I’ll be content if they just don’t fire me while I’m away.
I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens. I enjoy the job, but I will not sacrifice my life for it. It is just a job to make ends meet, even while I work on the rest of my career on the outside. I do have to say, it seems that the job is uniquely suited to that.
The biggest drawback to the job is the fact that I do not know my classes until 3 o’clock the day before. Also, sometimes there are holes in my schedule of maybe two three, or even five hours. For people that live far away that is problem. For me, who lives close by, it isn’t. I can be home in 15 minutes, or I can go work with Shazam after a 20 minute walk. So it all works out fine. When I’ve got a break I just go away and work on something else.
I am, for instance, supposed to be writing a concept page for a library. Don’t ask me what that means, because I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve been commission to write it and that I’ve been given a stack of papers to read through.
So in between classes I can occupy myself with that. It would be even easier if I could get my hands on a laptop to write on. A cheap thing that doesn’t have much processing power but can run word and isn’t too heavy. First things first, however, lets first get a pay cheque.
Taught
So yesterday I taught my first lessons. Originally it was meant to teach only two people one and a half hour each, but then they had some last minute requests for lessons and I was the only one available. Not that they forced them down my throat, or anything, but I decided to take them anyway.
‘Of the deep end’ I thought to myself. So in the end I taught six hours of classes. That’s not bad. That’s about as much time as I’m willing to put into it, though. I don’t think that they will try to give me any more than nine ‘blocks’ of classes, however.
The first class was good, but after that it got more difficult. I managed to swim, so to say, but only barely. I imagine I’ll manage to do better today, however. Or, at least, I can hope I will do better.
The thing is that besides this teaching job I’ve also got myself commission for another project that needs to be done soon and I haven’t yet written a word for it. That, I will admit, might turn into a serious problem. I have a feeling that these next few months are going to turn into a work slug fest. That’s not all bad, though. It’s about time I start getting a serious career under way.
At least this time around I’ll be making some decent money. Better than the crap salary they dared pass off in Australia (and then they took 30 percent of it too!). All I can say is ‘Sri Lanka, here we come!’
First class
Was I so unclear yesterday that I confused people? I must have been, for the comment I received was way out of left field. I would just like say thank you for the warning, but I don’t really think I need to be that worried, seeing as I’m the teacher and I’m not really expecting to make fun of myself. Well, I am, now that I think about it, but I can’t be arrested for ridiculing myself. I can’t, can I?
So, in two hours I’ve got my first lesson. I’m supposed to be reviewing the lesson material, but instead I decided to type up a quick little entry for the Blog (might as well try taking this thing serious again, now that I’ve started posting again). I don’t feel all that nervous. I know that because when I feel nervous I sleep really badly and my stomach goes crazy. Neither has happened to date, so I imagine I’ll be all right.
I’ll sit down and tell you all about the experience later. I’ll be having it quite often in the next few weeks and months, so I’ll have a lot of chances to write about it. Of course, there is never such a time as the first time.
Anyways, I better get down to my lesson preparations. Cheers.
Rusty cogs
Upcoming Monday I’llbe teaching my first students. I’ve got a French lady and Brazilian lady who both want to learn English and I’ve been assigned to teach it to them. After one week of training I hope I’m ready.
The training was tough. From nine to five thirty every day, Monday to Friday. One teacher who was nice, but spoke very slowly and thought about every word he spoke. That guy will also be my boss.
I think I prefer him being my boss, rather than my teacher. A slow and thoughtful boss is good. A slow and thoughtful teacher is bad. I mean, it’s good if you’re trying to learn the language he is trying to teach, but bad when you understand the language just fine, but you’re trying to learn how to teach.
I’ve already started correcting my friend’s English, as training, to their great annoyance. Still, I have to practice on something.
So yeah, my life is going pretty well. We went back to Singapore, after having more than enough of Australia and things have been looking up on this side. My new won ambition and maturity are going down well here, with my landing a job within two months of arrival, as well as giving me the opportunity to free lance for a number of friends and acquaintances.
I just woke up, so this probably doesn’t make too much sense yet. Rest assured that I am good (better than yesterday) and that life is seemingly heading in the right direction. Hopefully that direction wil at one point take me away from Singapore, but we’ll see about that when it happens.
Hibernation
Alright, let's pull this Blog out of hibernation. I found out it was in hibernation from Banana's site (on the right) and i think she might have a point, so lets pull this thing out of hibernation and see what happens.
Of all the blogs I've tried I think this was probably the most successful one. So lets stick with a good thing and try to get this bastard going again. I'll see what I write about, when, how and where, I'm just going to try and make sure that I post at least once a week, so that those that care can find out how its all going in my little world.
That should be doable, one post a week. I'll try to avoid large gaps like I've left in this case.
Of course I said that last time as well and it wasn't hugely successful, was it? Oh well, let's see what happens
